Bold Debate Predictions – Helping Media Pre-Write Their Post-Debate Summaries

Suggesting we’re at a crucial crossroads as a nation is about as understated as a pilot announcing to his passengers that they’re experiencing a small problem in that they’ve just run out of fuel halfway across the Atlantic. Politically, socially, medically, economically, morally, etc., our nation is so far removed from normal that recovery seems like something that’s just not appropriate to discuss.

With the first Presidential debate set for tonight, the stakes couldn’t be higher; and potentially more entertaining. At some level, I feel sorry for members of the media tasked with spinning their stories in the aftermath of the event. There will be after all, the reality of what happens during the debate and the spin media will desperately attempt to spoon-feed us. Because it must be so hard for reporters and editors to constantly carry water for the liberal left, I’ve decided to help them out by drafting a post-debate summary they can use in advance of the event; that way they won’t be hampered with technicalities like truth and reality in all their post-debate shows and columns, they can just reference my summary.

I’m drafting a summary of the debate performances of President Trump and Joe Biden to be represented throughout the media chain thereby freeing the editorial boards of the CNN, the New York Times, and the rest of their media sycophants, to apply their creative talents on other propaganda venues. In my defense, if I don’t help them out we run the risk of them falling behind and having to rely on truth to get their stories published. With that in mind, here’s a sample of what you can expect to in see the post-debate news; in one form or another:

Headline: Former Vice President Biden Trounces Trump in First Debate

By Mainstream Media, September 9, 2020

“Former Vice President Joe Biden met and exceeded expectations in last night’s debate with a thorough trouncing of President Trump and his failed policies. While President Trump tried repeatedly to rattle the experienced Biden, the former Vice President demonstrated why he’s a master debater and seasoned politician. Debate host and moderator, Chris Wallace, pounded the President on his COVID response and his decision to nominate a supreme court candidate so close to the election. Mr. Wallace was relentless throughout the night in his attacks on the President’s economic recovery policies, his pandemic policies, his diplomatic policies, and his misguided support of law enforcement during a time when the nation demands social justice. Through it all, Mr. Trump was unable to render a reasonable response.

To his credit, Mr. Wallace asked Vice President Biden hard questions about whether there was any wrong doing by the Biden’s in accepting foreign money from Ukraine and China and seemed satisfied when Biden answered, “no.” Wallace also put the matter of the 2016 attempted coup by the Obama administration to rest when he asked Biden if it was wrong to spy on candidate Trump and later President elect Trump, to which Vice President Biden again answered, “no.”

“Mr. Wallace perhaps exceeded his role by guiding Vice President Biden through questions regarding what he would have done different during the past four years, while never mentioning the fact that Mr. Biden can’t remember where he went to college, supported segregation, currently supports defunding police, and refuses to provide a list of who his supreme court nominees would be. Mr. Wallace was wise to avoid those spurious topics since no one in America cares about such trivial matters when so many issues remained unresolved by the current administration.

“Former Vice-President Biden put to rest any rumors regarding his health. Acclaimed Harvard psychiatrist, Dr. Ari Gance noted that while Mr. Trump appeared lost and defeated through much of his interrogation, Vice President Biden seemed relaxed, a caricature of springtime vitality and vigor. Dr. Gance praised Vice President Biden for appearing so youthful, “It’s all relative I suppose,” Ari Gance noted, “for a candidate who claims to be 180 years old Mr. Biden doesn’t seem a day over ninety.” Regarding opposition claims that former Vice President Biden’s mental acuity has waned, Dr. Gance summed it up this way, “keep in mind Mr. Biden is a career politician, the bar’s not overly high to start with.

There was a tense moment where Vice President Biden claimed to have won a Nobel Prize in Chemistry due to his work leading Dr. Martin Luther King in Telegraph Avenue poetry slams during his days as a graduate student at Berkeley. But really, when you think about it, isn’t just just inevitable foreshadowing. In the same vein, his constant reference to the Harris/Biden administration was nothing more than messaging to Bernie Sanders supporters who needed confirmation Joe understands where things stand. The biggest takeaway from last night’s debate however is that President Trump’s campaign is now officially over and the country will soon be returned to the wistful steadiness of established Oligarchy rule by the political class. In summary, last night’s debate witnessed the emergence of the nation’s renewed political dynasty and the end to the four year experiment of government by the people.”

NOTE: I feel compelled to point out that the above summary was satire poking fun at the made up way media will spin the story of tonight debate in tomorrow’s news. Don’t lose track of the larger point, namely that this will be the tone of the media post-debate summary regardless of how the debate really turns out. I will send my summary to the New York Times and CNN along with other media outlets so their editorial teams can stop pulling their collective intelligence into trying to create some sort of pliable spin on the debate outcome. Come back on Wednesday and I’ll tell you what really happened during the debates, this may be the only venue you have for an honest assessment.